Send, Save, Delete?
by ki10-fuzzball
Summary: If a message had been recorded by Marcus just before the battle Between the Darkness and the Light  an attempt to overcome his fear and let Susan know how he felt this could've been it.


Characters, settings etc all belong to JMS. no offence meant fanfic only.

Ranger promise from B5

please review - your comments are welcome.

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**Send/Save/Delete?**

"Computer, record – new message, recipient Susan Ivanova.

"Everyone I ever loved is now dead, yet I cannot help but take another risk and pray that the same does not happen to you. In Valen's name I'll breathe my last breath before that happens. I didn't know that I could love again until I laid eyes on you, the most beautiful woman in the universe. So perfect, so strong, so vulnerable. I'll risk your wrath if it means a few precious minutes in your company and I'll do anything to see you smile. I have little to give bar my devotion and my life.

"Sometimes I imagine telling you how I feel. Sometimes I pretend you are not annoyed to see me; that the relief I see in your eyes is because I'm there. Sometimes I make believe that one day you might love me - if only I could make you believe that too.

"You are the reason I wake up in the morning. I no longer risk everything every day of my life because death would be a release from the suffering of life but because I want to make the world a better place for you. I want you to have everything: a garden; a four-poster bed; someone to love. I want that someone to be me.

"I know that life has been cruel to you and taken so much: your parents; your brother; your heart; your trust. So I understand why you shut everyone out behind your icy stare. I do the same only my defence is humour – a light-hearted comment and the personal aspect is gone. But I'm not laughing now. In the last few months you have often looked so tired and how I have wanted to take you in my arms and chase the pain away - maybe forget my own.

"I want to tell everyone how much you mean to me. You are my "Someone Special". The one I have been waiting for all my life. The one with whom I long to give up my self-imposed chastity. It has been so long since I let anyone get close and you might not believe it but I get to tongue-tied when we are together. If I told you that I loved you what would you do? Would you ignore me? Would you run away? Would you hate me? Would you say you felt the same?

"If you ignored me I would persist. I would keep on telling you time after time after time, in a million different ways. I'd send flowers and messages – bugger it, I'd convince the fighters to do a fly-by in a formation that spelt out your name.

"If you ran away I would follow you to the ends of the universe. The faster you ran the more persistently I would follow you for as long as it takes for you to outrun your fears and when you finally stop I will be there to catch you.

"If you hated me I would accept that and I would disappear because more than anything I want you to be happy. I would not go far and unseen I would protect you from harm waiting for a single word indicating you have changed your mind and I would be at your side, because want me or not I'm yours until the end of time.

"If you said you felt the same - that you said I could call you mine? My heart would explode with happiness. I'd walk a foot taller swelled with pride and I would run through the corridors telling everyone I met that I was the luckiest man alive.

"I wish I had the courage to tell you but now is not the time. We are heading to the showdown with Clark's ships. I wish you were not here. I wish you were somewhere safe, but that is not you and I am proud to stand at your side. We faced the Shadows and the Vorlons together. We can face this and when it is all over I'll face my greatest fear and tell you that I love you.

"My mantra so long a part of who I am 'We walk in the dark places no others will enter. We stand on the bridge and no one may pass. We live for the One. We die for the One.' I will walk into the dankness of your fears that you hide from the world. I wont let another cause you pain and I'll never leave your side. The One I live for is no longer mean Sinclair, Sheridan, Delenn or anyone that may hold the title – Susan the one I live for is you."

He glanced at the time and the distance they still had to travel. It was time to go wake her up and hope she didn't mind too much that it was a good bit later than she had agreed to. She had needed the sleep a lot more than him.

"Computer, exit."

Three options appeared on the screen: "send, save, delete?" Marcus stared at the message. He desperately wanted to save the recording or send it to Susan. He could put a delay on it. A week? A month? A year? That way he couldn't back out of telling her. But what if it was intercepted? A sign of weakness could get one or both of them killed. If he saved it and they were captured the enemy could use it to torture her. Kind words could be too much to bear. Decision made. It was better left unheard if it saved her life: "Computer delete message."


End file.
